Author Archives: Shared Parenting Confessional

Parent to Parent

March 11, 2015 By in All Confessions

 

This parent sends a message to parents of divorce and shares thoughts on the responsibility of the parent to their family.   Keep in mind, this is in response to a ‘divorce’ story that someone shared on a site. Links to story and site are shared below.   

Some parents become so selfish.. They think everything will be fine at the end..(ONLY FOR THEM) but forget the mental trauma the kids go through.

We raise our kids to give them the best future ever, Loving Families, the happiness of the world. BUT Then As Parents we destroy it with their own selfish choice! But as we are tied in our emotional needs and stubbornness, And how to take revenge on our ex partners and thinking Divorce is freedom for us.. we simply forget we are tearing our own family apart which we once loved unlimited! Totally damaging our kids future and their prospects!

SO AS PARENTS KEEP YOUR EGO AND STUBBORNNESS DOWN!! MAKE IT WORK FOR YOUR CHILDREN SAKE AND STOP BEING SELFISH!! NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS IMPORTANT THAN THEIR SMILES!!

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Response to a story “Children’s Smiles” shared on The Marriage Ecosystem

Link to site: http://marriage-ecosystem.org

May 23, 2014 by Patience.

Link to story and response:

 http://www.marriage-ecosystem.org/divorce-never-ends-for-children.html

#76, A Message to Parents

Sad Family Members

March 11, 2015 By in All Confessions, Artwork from Child

 

This young artist seems to have created the ‘new’ family arrangement.  A BIG X removes the dad from the picture.  A pronounced feature of this drawing is the sadness.  Each member of the family is created with a sad face and tears streaming down.  Even the infant has a sad face!

Child art fam d removed

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Drawing as shown on Divorce and kids.  http://www.divorceandkids.com

Link to drawing: http://www.divorceandkids.com/images/Drawing_4.jpg

#75, Sad Family

 

 

Meeting in The Middle

March 10, 2015 By in All Confessions, Artwork About Child

 

One mom shares her story about meeting in the middle for the sake of her son.

My ex-husband and I had little love for each other in our last months of marriage, both of us wounded, both of us in tears, both of us heartbroken. If there weren’t a child, we’d have put each other away like an old rag, either tossed in the garbage, shoved way back in a cupboard, or maybe burned to a crisp. It could have ended with us destroying each other out of spite. But there was a child. Jake. And we couldn’t ruin him with bitterness.

Yet how do two people who have no need for each other raise a son? I had no idea. When my lawyer recommended that we see a co-parenting counselor, a type of therapist I’d never heard of, I did what I always do when I need perspective: I called my mother.

“You’re divorcing him for a reason, Hayley,” my mother said. “You’re not supposed to get along with your ex-husband, otherwise you’d still be together.”

“But I want to be friends with him, like you and Dad are,” I said.

“It took years for your father and me, you know that,” she said. “So don’t create a fantasy about my relationship with your father.”

She was right. My parents’ split was messy. As much as my mother attempted to shield me from a lot of the hurt,  they still fought, and like many couples, they made their share of mistakes. It took ten years, but eventually, my parents managed to share low-calorie cranberry sauce on Thanksgiving and brisket on Passover.

Still, when my own divorce struck, I was determined not to repeat their missteps. So I broached the subject of seeing this special kind of therapist with my soon-to-be ex-husband. He was more than familiar with my childhood divorce stories and was immediately open to the idea. When we scheduled an introductory session with Paul Dasher, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist, it was the first thing we’d agreed on in months.

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.“Raising Healthy, Happy Kids Through a Divorce”, Parenting.com, by Hayley Krischer.  March 2015

http://www.parenting.com/article/raising-healthy-happy-kids-through-a-divorce

#74, Meeting in the Middle

Message from a Non-Custodial Mother

March 10, 2015 By in All Confessions, True Confessions

 

One mother shares how being the non-custodial parent is best for her and her daughters.  Despite the harsh words and criticism from family and friends she expresses contentment with her choice.

As a non-custodial mother I do not have physical custody of my two children. In fact, my kids live on the other side of the nation with their father.

This arrangement was not my first choice.  My divorce was high conflict and was inflicting intense emotional pain on my girls.  I believed that the only option was to remove myself from the situation-even at the sacrifice of my relationship with my sweet girls.

Not everyone understands.  There seems to be this stigma attached when a mother does not have custody of her children.  There is a double standard.  Men without custody are not ostracized by friends and family.  In fact, men receive empathy, support, and sympathy.  I lost friends!  I was ridiculed!  Several relatives still keep their distance from me.

I am connected with my girls. We use skype IM, FB, texting and talk on the phone.  We have a close relationship.  In my heart I believe I am a good mother and feel that this is best for my family.

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#73,  Message from a Non-Custodial Mother

Family Before and After Divorce

March 9, 2015 By in All Confessions, Artwork from Child

 

One young artist shares a happy “before” drawing on top, and a grim “after” in the bottom picture.  This reveals the heartache of divorce for one child.  This speaks more to the parents making efforts to place the focus on on the child and meeting the emotional needs of the child.  Parental conflict, fighting and bickering impacts the child at an emotional level as seen in the happy pic and the sad drawing.

“Before”

Child art Before i

“After”

Child art after i

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Drawings from KID’S FIRST PROGRAM

“Before and After”, appeared in the Honolulu Star-Bulletin Hawaii News, August 26, 2001,  by Debra Barayuga

dbarayuga@starbulletin.comarchives.starbulletin.com/2001/08/26/news/story2.html

http://archives.starbulletin.com/2001/08/26/news/story2.html

#72, Before and After

Blah Blah Blah

March 9, 2015 By in All Confessions, Artwork from Child

 

This drawing by an 11-year-old describes a man and woman fighting “blah, blah, blah, blah”.  A sun with a sad face appears above.    The young artist says “I want you to stop arguing with each other because it doesn’t make me feel good,”  

Child are blah blah m

 

 

 

Drawings from KID’S FIRST PROGRAM

“Blah, Blah, Blah”.  Aappeared in the Honolulu Star-Bulletin, August 26, 2001,  by Debra Barayuga

dbarayuga@starbulletin.comarchives.starbulletin.com/2001/08/26/news/story2.html

http://archives.starbulletin.com/2001/08/26/news/story2.html

#70, Blah Blah Blah

I Don’t Care

March 9, 2015 By in All Confessions, Artwork from Child

 

This child shows how the family is divided.  The heart in the center is clearly broken.  Both parents  are fighting and turned away from each other.  More importantly, neither parent is focused on the child.    The question mark indicates the child does not understand what is happening.  A very sad picture of divorce!

Child art d m c pet i

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Drawings from KID’S FIRST PROGRAM

“I Don’t Care”, appeared in the Honolulu Star-Bulletin Hawaii News, August 26, 2001,  by Debra Barayuga

dbarayuga@starbulletin.comarchives.starbulletin.com/2001/08/26/news/story2.html

http://archives.starbulletin.com/2001/08/26/news/story2.html

#69, I Don’t Care

Why??

March 8, 2015 By in All Confessions, Artwork from Child

 

This young artist shares an array of thoughts in the drawing called “Broken Family”.  This child appears in the center of a very compartmentalized drawing.  The question WHY? at the center stands out.  

Child art WHY m

 

 

 

“Broken Family” drawing

#68 “Why?”

 

Cut Here

March 8, 2015 By in All Confessions, Artwork About Child

 

This artist shares the heartache of divorce in “In the Event of Divorce Cut Here.”

(Words in the lower left corner read the title,  “In the Event of Divorce Cut Here”)

                 Divorce art child balloon cut here m

“In the Event of Divorce Cut Here”  artwork created by BANKSY (B.1975)

christies.com/in the event of divorce

Artwork listed:  Sale 2357 Lot 333 Post-War and Contemporary Afternoon Session.  11 November 2010.  New York, Rockefeller Plaza.  Estimate $20,000-$30,000.

#67.  “Cut Here”

Mine

March 8, 2015 By in All Confessions, Artwork from Child

 

A 13-year-old girl shares “Experiencing the Stress of Her Parent’s Divorce.”  This child is clearly in the middle and trying to have a voice.  Neither parent is listening.  Both parents seem intent on pulling her in their direction.  The dad is portrayed as using more force, feet firmly planted, leaning back and trying to gain a strong hold.  Note how his hand is clasped tightly with his daughters.  The mom seems to have a lighter grasp.  Interestingly, the shoelaces are tied with a heart shaped bow.  

Child art MINE m

 

 

“Experiencing the Stress of Her Parent’s Divorce” by a 13 year-old girl.

http://www.kwtherapy.com/art_therapy.html

 

#66. “Mine”