Author Archives: Shared Parenting Confessional

Think About the Children

May 21, 2015 By in All Confessions

 

An important message to parents who are divorced.  Children need the love of both families!  A reminder to think about the children, for the sake of the children.  

 

Just because parent’s fall out of love, don’t alienate the children from the parent that is not in the same home, it takes a village to raise a child, so let them have the love of both families, as if you alienate them from one side of the family, you are cheating them out of love and life skills they can learn from both sides of the families. Their are too many children out there that can’t speak for themselves, as they don’t want to upset the parent they live with, yet I bet they cry themselves to sleep when your not looking, they are also fearful of showing affection towards the alienated parent for fear of repercussion. It is a dangerous game to play, and to poison their minds against the other parent is just unforgivable. A house can become a home when agendas are set aside for the sake of the children. Trust me, more often than not, the person doing the alienating will pay big time once the child grows and finds out you used them as a pawn to get back at your ex. So think about the children, and not your own agenda to hurt your ex with the children you both brought into the world.

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Shared by Faun Witten on March 2, 2015.

# 106, Think About the Children

The Wait

May 3, 2015 By in All Confessions, Artwork About Child, Impact on Child

 

A child sitting by the door waiting for her parent to walk in.  One picture is worth a thousand words!  I hope this little girl’s parent shows up soon!

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Deviant art Waiting m

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Deviant Art.  Picture “The Wait” by maria-mar.  An illustration from the book called “My parents are divorcing … what now?”.

Link to pic: http://www.deviantart.com/art/The-wait-397885159

Link to site: DeviantArt.com

#105, The Wait

Child of a Broken Family

May 3, 2015 By in All Confessions, Artwork About Child, Impact on Child

 

This artist shares her feelings of relief when her parent’s divorce.  She comments that this poem is: “Pretty much what I remember feeling as a child of two parents who were constantly fighting. I was relieved when they finally split up, even if it meant that my parents wouldn’t be together, at least the fighting would stop, for the most part at least. The perspective of this poem is kind of weird, but I like it.”

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Escape,
Run away,
From their hate,
And their shouts.
Don’t look back,
Just keep on walking.
Breathe in,
Breathe out.
Just a few more steps.
Sink down with relief,
On the cool dirt floor.
Focus on the hands laying there,
Shaking,
Trembling,
Uncontrollably.
Blocked out by the trees,
And the tall-growing weeds,
The small body is hidden,
From unwanted eyes.
Breathe in,
Breathe out.
Block out their yells.
Retreat to the land,
Of pixies and magic,
Where no grownups,
Spoil all the fun.
In this land,
All it takes,
Is faith,
Trust,
And pixie dust,
To fly away,
Far away,
From all of these problems,
And worries,
And pains.
If only it were really that simple.
A simple call,
Brings reality spiraling back.
A name called through a window,
Her name.
She pulls her small body up,
Drags her weary feet,
Slowly, ever so slowly,
Through the un-mowed grass,
Across the lawn,
And up the steep back steps.
She steps into the open doorway,
Once again swallowed up,
By the terrors and torments,
Of a broken family.

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Deviant Art.  A poem, Child of a Broken Family by Cassie 21.

Link to poem: http://www.deviantart.com/art/Child-of-a-Broken-Family-127158625

Link to site: DeviantArt.com

#104, Child of a Broken Family

Emotional Turmoil of Divorce

May 3, 2015 By in All Confessions, Artwork About Child, Impact on Child

 

This artist uses a photo to illustrate the devastation of divorce! A young lady is sitting in a corner.  Her dark eyes reveal the emotional turmoil of divorce.  Note she seems to have the habit of biting her nails, a sign of anxiety and nervousness. Look closely and see teardrops on the background of the photo.  The look of fear on her face shows the distress of divorce on the most innocent victim!  The CHILD! 

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Divorce art girl dark eyes hiding in corner__photo__by_GoldenGirls

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Deviantart.com.  Divorce-photo by GoldenGirls.

Photo link: http://www.deviantart.com/art/Divorce-photo-136943285

Site link:  Deviantart.com

#103, Emotional Turmoil of Divorce

Divorce is Generational

May 3, 2015 By in All Confessions

 

Divorcing can impact your child’s marriage too.  This parent shares the reality of divorce.  In essence, one set of problems is traded for another.  

Caroline on the show “Little House on the Prairie” explains this best:  “If you were to trade your basket of problems with someone else, by the end of the day you would want your own basket back.”  

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Divorce has been a generational problem in my family. My grandparents, parents and myself all divorced. The latest casualty in this sad story is my daughter, who is also divorced now. My daughter and I tell people, you only trade one set of problems for another, when friends or family consider getting a divorce. In my case, it is very hard for me to trust and have decided to remain single. More time and energy should be spent in knowing and understanding what marriage really means.

Also, one should take the time to really know who the person is that you are marrying. Sounds like common sense but, common sense is not very common these days.

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Marriage -Ecosystem: My Story Too by Anonymous, in response to post  “Myth of Divorce”  at Marriage-Ecosystem (post #100 at Shared Parenting Confessional)

Link to post:  http://www.marriage-ecosystem.org/the-myth-of-divorce-as-the-way-to-solve-all-your-problems.html

Link to site: http://www.marriage-ecosystem.org

#102, Divorce is Generational

Divorce Trend Can Stop

May 3, 2015 By in All Confessions

 

Generations of Love and commitment can yield huge benefits.. Sometimes, making the commitment ‘to not divorce’ can be as important as the marriage vows!  

Preserving the family unit is quite the legacy!  

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My parents who met and married in 1948 were from broken homes (the term for divorced used in those days). My parents made a commitment to one another to never, ever put their children through a divorce. Their marriage was at times rocky but we girls never doubted their love and commitment to each other.

Sadly, my two sisters are on their third marriage. (Proving that third time is a charm!) My husband and I will be married 35 years in July. I laughingly but truthfully can say that we could have divorced several times. Thank God we did not.

Our children have benefited from our staying together and so have we! We just shared the birth of our first grandchild. We are in love and feeling very much like the twenty-something’s we were when we first met and fell in love. Feeling blessed that our love was “evergreen”!

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Marriage -Ecosystem: The Trend Can Stop by Cindy, in response to post  “Myth of Divorce”  at Marriage-Ecosystem (post #100 at Shared Parenting Confessional)

Link to post:  http://www.marriage-ecosystem.org/the-myth-of-divorce-as-the-way-to-solve-all-your-problems.html

Link to site: http://www.marriage-ecosystem.org

#101, Divorce Trend Can Stop

Myth of Divorce

May 3, 2015 By in Adult Children of Divorce, All Confessions

 

An adult child of divorce shares the devastation of divorce in their childhood and own marriage.  This confession reveals how divorce is not the way to solve all your problems.  

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My parents divorced when I was 9…

…and proceeded to continue to fight with one another for my entire childhood and into my adult life.

My own marriage also ended in divorce, and yet the conflict has continued for the past 12 years and is likely to continue at least until the youngest child is out of college.

And then, even when the overt conflict has ceased, the negative impact of divorce remains.

My experiences demonstrate that divorce, billed as a way to solve all your problems, merely exchanges one set of horrible problems for a completely different but equally horrible set of problems.

Note that I’m not referring to divorces that were done in order to end violent, abusive marriages, or marriages that were unsafe or damaging. Obviously, divorce in those situations may be the lesser of two evils. I’m referring to the vast majority of divorces that are done for lesser reasons.

Marriage -Ecosystem:The myth of divorce as the way to solve all your problems, by CTW

Link to post: http://www.marriage-ecosystem.org/the-myth-of-divorce-as-the-way-to-solve-all-your-problems.html

# 100 , Myth of Divorce

Fathers’ Heartbreak

April 18, 2015 By in All Confessions, Psychological Abuse-child

 

This father shares the perils of divorce and the influence the co-parent has on his daughter.   He discusses how values and morals impact the co-parent relationship and ultimately, the child.  Sadly, his attempts to maintain a relationship with his daughter have been unsuccessful.

 

I was informed that my now 18 year old daugher refers to me as a “sperm donor” despite the fact that I was in her life until the age of 9 living with her mother, and for years I continued to try and be in her life, and being a positive influence. Divorce though dredges up a lot of negative feelings and comments that aren’t mutually exclusive to either parent.

That said, many of the comments coming out of her now “adult” mouth are a reflection of her mother’s continued verbal attacks, while my daugher denounces any criticism of her mother. Can you see the hypocrisy? It’s ok for her mother to say whatever she wants about me, but anything remotely critical I may say, even if warranted, is off limits. The implication is, her mother is perfect, beyond reproach as it would seem she is also. It’s that kind of arrogance many of us are fighting as it’s that kind of arrogance that ties into men not being allowed to parent because women are commonly portrayed as the more important parent. 

Problem is, people have different values and morals. When couples divorce, there are going to be fights over moral issues and values as an extension of both people’s moral code. Why the majority of people don’t or can’t acknowledge that reality is astounding to me as a person of reasonable intellect.

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Shared on FB The Fathers’ Rights Movement April 15, 2015.

Link to FB page: https://www.facebook.com/Fathers4kids?fref=nf

#99, Fathers’ Heartbreak

Missing My Daughter!!

April 18, 2015 By in All Confessions, Psychological Abuse-child

 

One dad shares the heartache of divorce and how this has impacted the relationship with his daughter.  He offers advice to parents who are talking about divorce.  Sadly, the relationship with his daughter is forever tainted.  

This is a blatant reminder that children need to have a relationship with both parents.  NO ONE comes out ahead when one parent puts obstacles in the way of the parent child relationship.  And, the child misses out-big time!!!!!

I met my daughters mother when I was 19 and on Active duty Army. I was in a rapid deployment unit and thought at times I would be sent to combat. We saw each other when we could and soon she got pregnant. I thought the only honorable thing to do was to go to the justice of the peace and marry her. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
I got out of the Army and tried to live as a lot of Americans do, work, school,and provide for my family. It was hard, money was tight. We fought about everything. Soon we realized that we needed help. We went to counseling and prayed together, but we soon realized that we were polar opposites.

One weekend, after I got home from the midnight shift, I was just about to fall asleep, and I heard a knock on the door. It was a process server, who told me to appear in court in two days for a custody hearing. This caught me by surprise, since my daughters mother was suppose to be staying with her mom for the weekend. Well, I went around town to try to find a lawyer on little income, but the more I listened and payed the 50 dollar consultation fee, the more I realized how ignorant I was. I eventually settled to use one lawyer which happen to be my ex’s mom’s boss since she was a paralegal. They talked to my like they really cared, big mistake!
We got the standard divorce, split holidays and weekends. I went to college and worked two jobs. I never missed a child support payment and carried full medical and dental on my daughter. After graduating college, I made more money, and she came at me for an increase in child support. I spent my entire 20’s, getting my daughter every other weekend, since I had to work some weekends.
In 2011, my mom got terminally ill and eventually died from breast cancer. While I was pushing my mom’s hair from her face, as she struggles to talk. She told me to go find happiness. I thought she was right! I reunited with my high school sweet heart and sat my daughter down and told her that I would be moving away, approx. 600miles.

I tried to modify visitation to half the summer. She gave me 3 weeks instead of 2. Anyways, I thought my daughter and I would be close because of technology and that she had flown on several airplanes since I worked for the airlines for 8 years while I was at college.

Unfortunately, My daughter quit coming to see me and now has stop talking to me. She is 16 years old and a teenager. She has no cellphone and I am blocked from calling her home phone. Her mom says that she doesn’t want me in her life because I am to mean.

Well, there is a lot of detail left out with my story, but I would have never predicted that my daughter would avoid me. I think of my self as the fun dad, cool dad. Also I have never missed a child support payment, so why my daughter’s mother hates me is mind boggling.

I have since remarried and so has she, but my first born who is 16 avoids me and if I call her mom’s cell to just ask to speak with my daughter, I get nasty text in return. I am so confused. I thought about taking legal action but what good will it do since my daughter is convinced that I am the bad for her.

I hope anyone who reads this both man and women can take from my story that if and when you get a divorce, please treat each other with respect and don’t use the kids as a tool to get back at the other person. Children really need both parents and parents need that connection too. Hopefully, my daughter will come around, until then I just monitor her Facebook, leave only sweet messages, and pray that she will realize how much I miss her.

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Shared from Children-and-Divorce site by Joe (holly, MI).

Link: http://www.children-and-divorce.com/missing-my-daughter.html

 

#98, Missing My Daughter!!

Self-Portrait

April 12, 2015 By in All Confessions, Artwork About Child

 

This artist states she was a child of divorce and is aware of how grueling divorce can be.   This self portrait reveals the individual is seemingly in an uncomfortable and scary place. put there by something outside of her control.  The road to escape appears far away and unattainable yet close to the where the individual is located.  

 Art zipper Self_Portrait___Divorce_by_beango

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Deviant Art, Self-Portrait by Akaneryu

Link: http://www.deviantart.com/art/Self-Portrait-Divorce-48229377

#97, Self-Portrait DL