Emotional Scars

 

An adult child of divorce shares the heartache of their parents’ tumultuous divorce.  Sadly, the devastating impact of the UNTRUTHS and the LIES may never truly be realized in ones’ life.

Complicating the matter is the underlying premise that we never know what the back story is for an individual.  

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Sometimes the biggest lie is the one most often believed . .

..but I guess, if one can reconcile the pain and distinguish the lies from the truth, and not feel the shame or anger that goes along with the process, even the biggest untruths will slip away like grains of sand in the ocean . . .

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#110, Emotional Scars

Keep Children Out of the Divorce

 

An important message to parents! Keep the children out of our mess. Let the innocent stay clear of evil!  

Divorce is between the parents-and ABOUT THE CHILD!

LOVE WINS!!!   LOVE WINS!!!!  LOVE WINS!!!  LOVE WINS!!! 

 

Your first obligation m

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Fathers That Care. May 3, 2015

#109, Keep Children Out of the Divorce

Emotions of a Loving Daddy

 

One father sends a message to his co-parent.  He  shares the heartbreak of trying to have a relationship with his son!  And, the frustration with the family court.  

 

I want to prepare my child for the future, but I’m limited. I’m subjected to mind games and humiliation due to ones beliefs. I’m looked upon as a risk and danger, that lacks capacity to raise a child. I’m seen as an aggressive monster that puts his own interest first. All these court orders have been put on me, like I’m an prisoner. When I’m alone I sit and cry, with such heart ache. No parent should be treated in such manner unless they are a danger. After wiping tears and taking a deep breath, it all makes sense. The more contact I have with my child the more he will say I miss you daddy, I love you daddy, when can I see you daddy, can I live with you daddy. You as the mother of my child shouldn’t be a alarmed by these words, be happy, why? Because it’s what our child wants. Be happy because I’m no father who makes babies and runs, be happy because I support you as far as my restrictions allow me to. The question I ask my self at the end of my tears, do you support me?

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As shared on Fathers That Care, May 18, 2015.

#108, Emotions of a Loving Daddy!

Avoiding the Perils of Family Court

 

This parent shares the importance of understanding the family court system and avoiding the pitfalls that may create drama.  

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During my custody battle, I came to a deeper understanding how the courts system works and how the law applied in my particular case. I persevered by demonstrating that I was rational, reasonable, and always focused on the best interest of my children. Instead of relying solely on my attorney’s advice and historical precedent, I saw the bigger picture and thought long term.

I used several tactics to my advantage. I never left or was forced out of our marital residence, I managed to avoid physical altercations by keeping my emotions in check as much as possible, avoided being taken to jail by the NYPD by calmly explaining my side of the story and kept my focus by remaining totally devoted to my two children. I always took the high road and never talked badly about my ex to our children, no matter how tempting. I still don’t-she is the mother of our kids. They love her just as much as they love me.

When there are two loving parents that want to be actively involved in their children’s lives after divorce, there is no need to travel down the expected path of family court and mandatory child and/or spousal support. Women can learn from my story and understand that just because you may no longer love the father of your https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9v9K0MVAg-8, your children do. Children need their mother AND father. Find a way to stay out of that hell hole they loosely call “Family Court.” I am living proof that there is another way.

For father’s day, give your ex the gift of letting him be a father.

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#107, Avoid the Perils of Family Court

Think About the Children

 

An important message to parents who are divorced.  Children need the love of both families!  A reminder to think about the children, for the sake of the children.  

 

Just because parent’s fall out of love, don’t alienate the children from the parent that is not in the same home, it takes a village to raise a child, so let them have the love of both families, as if you alienate them from one side of the family, you are cheating them out of love and life skills they can learn from both sides of the families. Their are too many children out there that can’t speak for themselves, as they don’t want to upset the parent they live with, yet I bet they cry themselves to sleep when your not looking, they are also fearful of showing affection towards the alienated parent for fear of repercussion. It is a dangerous game to play, and to poison their minds against the other parent is just unforgivable. A house can become a home when agendas are set aside for the sake of the children. Trust me, more often than not, the person doing the alienating will pay big time once the child grows and finds out you used them as a pawn to get back at your ex. So think about the children, and not your own agenda to hurt your ex with the children you both brought into the world.

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Shared by Faun Witten on March 2, 2015.

# 106, Think About the Children

The Wait

 

A child sitting by the door waiting for her parent to walk in.  One picture is worth a thousand words!  I hope this little girl’s parent shows up soon!

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Deviant art Waiting  m

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Deviant Art.  Picture “The Wait” by maria-mar.  An illustration from the book called “My parents are divorcing … what now?”.

Link to pic: http://www.deviantart.com/art/The-wait-397885159

Link to site: DeviantArt.com

#105, The Wait

Child of a Broken Family

 

This artist shares her feelings of relief when her parent’s divorce.  She comments that this poem is: “Pretty much what I remember feeling as a child of two parents who were constantly fighting. I was relieved when they finally split up, even if it meant that my parents wouldn’t be together, at least the fighting would stop, for the most part at least. The perspective of this poem is kind of weird, but I like it.”

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Escape,
Run away,
From their hate,
And their shouts.
Don’t look back,
Just keep on walking.
Breathe in,
Breathe out.
Just a few more steps.
Sink down with relief,
On the cool dirt floor.
Focus on the hands laying there,
Shaking,
Trembling,
Uncontrollably.
Blocked out by the trees,
And the tall-growing weeds,
The small body is hidden,
From unwanted eyes.
Breathe in,
Breathe out.
Block out their yells.
Retreat to the land,
Of pixies and magic,
Where no grownups,
Spoil all the fun.
In this land,
All it takes,
Is faith,
Trust,
And pixie dust,
To fly away,
Far away,
From all of these problems,
And worries,
And pains.
If only it were really that simple.
A simple call,
Brings reality spiraling back.
A name called through a window,
Her name.
She pulls her small body up,
Drags her weary feet,
Slowly, ever so slowly,
Through the un-mowed grass,
Across the lawn,
And up the steep back steps.
She steps into the open doorway,
Once again swallowed up,
By the terrors and torments,
Of a broken family.

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Deviant Art.  A poem, Child of a Broken Family by Cassie 21.

Link to poem: http://www.deviantart.com/art/Child-of-a-Broken-Family-127158625

Link to site: DeviantArt.com

#104, Child of a Broken Family

Emotional Turmoil of Divorce

 

This artist uses a photo to illustrate the devastation of divorce! A young lady is sitting in a corner.  Her dark eyes reveal the emotional turmoil of divorce.  Note she seems to have the habit of biting her nails, a sign of anxiety and nervousness. Look closely and see teardrops on the background of the photo.  The look of fear on her face shows the distress of divorce on the most innocent victim!  The CHILD! 

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Divorce art girl dark eyes hiding in corner__photo__by_GoldenGirls

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Deviantart.com.  Divorce-photo by GoldenGirls.

Photo link: http://www.deviantart.com/art/Divorce-photo-136943285

Site link:  Deviantart.com

#103, Emotional Turmoil of Divorce

Divorce is Generational

 

Divorcing can impact your child’s marriage too.  This parent shares the reality of divorce.  In essence, one set of problems is traded for another.  

Caroline on the show “Little House on the Prairie” explains this best:  “If you were to trade your basket of problems with someone else, by the end of the day you would want your own basket back.”  

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Divorce has been a generational problem in my family. My grandparents, parents and myself all divorced. The latest casualty in this sad story is my daughter, who is also divorced now. My daughter and I tell people, you only trade one set of problems for another, when friends or family consider getting a divorce. In my case, it is very hard for me to trust and have decided to remain single. More time and energy should be spent in knowing and understanding what marriage really means.

Also, one should take the time to really know who the person is that you are marrying. Sounds like common sense but, common sense is not very common these days.

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Marriage -Ecosystem: My Story Too by Anonymous, in response to post  “Myth of Divorce”  at Marriage-Ecosystem (post #100 at Shared Parenting Confessional)

Link to post:  http://www.marriage-ecosystem.org/the-myth-of-divorce-as-the-way-to-solve-all-your-problems.html

Link to site: http://www.marriage-ecosystem.org

#102, Divorce is Generational

Divorce Trend Can Stop

 

Generations of Love and commitment can yield huge benefits.. Sometimes, making the commitment ‘to not divorce’ can be as important as the marriage vows!  

Preserving the family unit is quite the legacy!  

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My parents who met and married in 1948 were from broken homes (the term for divorced used in those days). My parents made a commitment to one another to never, ever put their children through a divorce. Their marriage was at times rocky but we girls never doubted their love and commitment to each other.

Sadly, my two sisters are on their third marriage. (Proving that third time is a charm!) My husband and I will be married 35 years in July. I laughingly but truthfully can say that we could have divorced several times. Thank God we did not.

Our children have benefited from our staying together and so have we! We just shared the birth of our first grandchild. We are in love and feeling very much like the twenty-something’s we were when we first met and fell in love. Feeling blessed that our love was “evergreen”!

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Marriage -Ecosystem: The Trend Can Stop by Cindy, in response to post  “Myth of Divorce”  at Marriage-Ecosystem (post #100 at Shared Parenting Confessional)

Link to post:  http://www.marriage-ecosystem.org/the-myth-of-divorce-as-the-way-to-solve-all-your-problems.html

Link to site: http://www.marriage-ecosystem.org

#101, Divorce Trend Can Stop