Life is all about choices!
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The FIRST and Most Important Step in being a good father to your children is to discern and choose a good wife.
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Shared on Fathers in the Field, May 12, 2015.
Link to FB page for Fathers in the Field: https://www.facebook.com/fathersinthefield?fref=ts
#142, Important Advice
Here is what children are saying about divorce! This is compilation of some of the quotes from several videos. Links to all videos are shared.
Some of these comments are absolutely heart wrenching illuminating the fact the the most innocent victim of divorce is…THE CHILD!
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Link to video: https://youtu.be/3iPkHdYLuuA
“Sometimes people talk about what their moms or dads are doing this weekend.’ 2:16 mark
“Saw my dad 3 or 4 times per year.” !!!!! 3:17 mark
“I don’t’ trust father figures and I disrespect adults beause I don’t think I can trust any adults.” 3:31
Link to video: https://youtu.be/ONnqACB-FeM
“my biggest concern is that all five of us will start getting more and more unhappy.” (a big burden for a 9 year old)
“Sometimes I feel like I caused the divorce.” (a common response)
“Sometimes its hard when theyre both fighting and theyre both really mad.” (research consistently shows that parental conflict causes long-term issues)
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#141, From the Mouthes of Babes!
When the post “I Am A Father” was shared on FB page “Supporters of South Dakota Shared Parenting” in May 2015, several supporters responded.
These are deserving of attention and are shared on Shared Parenting Confessional as a separate post.
COMMENT: Just because you divorce the wife you don’t divorce the children.
COMMENT: What leads up to divorce and the divorce hurts the children beyond measure with a deep and painful wound, even in the best of divorce circumstances.
COMMENT: Back in the day, when couples had problems, the community came to help the family work out their problems. Now that the government and courts are involved all they want is to separate the family, have one parent be broke from not having any income because they stay at home with the kids while the other parent goes broke paying for another place to live, transportation cost for two houses. And let’s not forget all of the lawyers fees and court fees so in the end of all of the bs the child has been put through so much that we think that the child will grow to be a upstanding citizen? Reality check, we are looking to TV to raise our kids and the web to teach them. When all we have to do is be there for our brothers and sisters to listen and help families, not the lawyers and social workers.
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Response comments to post “I Am A Father” shared in previous post.
Link to FB page Supporters for Shared Parenting South Dakota:
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Supporters-of-South-Dakota-Shared-Parenting/179297318844749?fref=ts
#140, I Am A Father, comments.
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In the world of divorce, some fathers are categorized in a negative fashion. This father shares his thoughts on the relationship with his daughter before and after her birth. Fatherly pride is ever present. The one thing that stands out is that this daddy loves his baby!
This fathers experience with the family court system is, sadly, not atypical.
Importantly, at the end of the post there are quotes from several professionals that seem to place emphasis on the injustice of the court system that often fails to protect the very beings they are designed to protect-THE FAMILY UNIT and THE CHILD!
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I am a father.
Not a deadbeat, not a coward, not a man that runs away from being a father, or a deserter of my own flesh and blood. Not a sperm donor or a court appointed ATM, but a Father in the purest form of the word. And while choosy “Moms choose Jif”, I sit, at 3:05 am holding the hot hands of a sick 7 year old princess. But that’s my job.
Because I am a father.
I would speak to my daughter while she was in utero. She would respond with little kicks and from the womb.. we interacted, and hadn’t even seen each other yet. When you immediately accept that, even before your child takes its first breath, you are already a Father you immediately begin to bond with your child.
The Family Law court system as a whole, and it’s Judges destroy the lives of children and in turn entire families by violating a Father’s right to Due process and equal protection under the law. But we’ve known that for decades. Anyone that thinks or believes that there is Due process for fathers in the Family Law Court system should be placed in a padded room and heavily sedated.
Why is it ok for Fathers to miss their children? Why is it ok for a Father to be sick and wrapped in worry? Why is it permissible for “Non Custodial” parents to start legal proceedings at an immediate disadvantage? Why is there no legislation in place to safeguard Fathers that are being swept in amid the men that make us all look bad?
We are judged before the first hearing.
It physically hurts on days I don’t have my daughter with me. “Depression hurts” as the commercial for anti-depressants says right? Ask yourself, what parent wouldn’t be stressed sleepless concerned about their child? Therefore forcing time away from a parent and child would reasonably cause a great deal of stress and worry.. to truly say the least.
But the Family Law Court its Judges, are far from reasonable.
Now, just imagine that you’re sitting at your desk at work, and two armed Sheriffs approach the receptionist’s desk, then your intercom buzzes, and you are then summoned to the front desk. The Sheriff asks you for your name, And then politely informs you that you have been served with child support papers…and that’s just the beginning.
Keep in mind that you are the same father that went through the entire pregnancy, CPR classes, ultrasounds, the Birth ya know, Dad stuff. For the record, ( a sidebar really, ) Any man that has stood side by side, each day and night for nine months with a hormonal, morning noon and night vomiting, habitual mood swinger knows that Fathers don’t exactly have it easy during a nine month pregnancy either. whether you are an amazing Father, or a deadbeat looser, Family Law Court will filter your life through Hell all the same.
I am a Father.
With no criminal record, never been arrested, no history of violence, domestic or other.. At what point did I ask to be Non-Custodial. There is nothing “Non-Custodial” about me.
I have never needed a court order to care for my Daughter.
Since when have I not been a Father?
I clinch my fist and grit my teeth while, the very system set in place to protect our families Not only fatally fails, but spits in my face and violates my rights.
Quotes:
“There is no system ever devised by mankind that is guaranteed to rip husband and wife or father, mother and child apart so bitterly than our present Family Court System.”
-Judge Brian Lindsay Retired Supreme Court Judge, New York, New York
What Social Services is good at is removing “Power” from people.
When this is accomplished, then there go choices. -Mr. Charles Johnson
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Shared on Supporters of South Dakota Shared Parenting on April 20, 2014.
Link to FB page for Supporters of South Dakota Shared Parenting:
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Supporters-of-South-Dakota-Shared-Parenting/179297318844749?fref=ts
#139, I Am A Father
Remarriage among parents can present challenges at holidays and family events.
After your parents divorce, holidays can quickly go from the best of times to the worst of times, with the bickering about gifts, the tug-of-war over who gets the kids on Christmas morning, and the battle to establish new family traditions when your family is no longer very traditional. But all that holiday hoopla pales next to the politics of planning a wedding. My younger half brother is quickly learning just how complicated life can become when you bring parents and step parents and ex-stepparents together, even if it’s only for one day.
I consider myself a pioneer in the field of divorce relations. Without a hint that anything was wrong, my parents called my brother and I into the living room one October evening in 1971 to tell us they had decided to separate. I was 11 years old, my brother was 8, and overnight, I become one of only two people in my grade 6 class living with a single parent. I not only felt abandoned by the father I adored, I also felt like an outcast.
My parents were high school sweethearts when my mom found out ‘they had to get married’. I was born just before my mother’s 18th birthday. My dad was in university, working part time to make ends meet. Though I know they loved each other, the marriage was probably doomed to failure from the start. Even so, when I discovered that my father had left my mother for another woman, my confusion quickly turned to anger at him and his new girlfriend, who eventually became his wife.
They had a son — my half brother — when I was 17. By then I had a stepfather who resented my father even more than I did. So when I decided to marry at age 22, my dad and his wife were almost completely shut out. My stepmother wasn’t invited to any of the showers, and my father wasn’t even introduced at the reception. I was still so angry at him that I made (in hindsight) the cruel decision to let my new stepfather walk me down the aisle. The marriage lasted less than a year, but the look on my father’s face in the church that day will haunt me forever.
As the years passed, and I remarried, I never did really warm up to my stepmother, as hard as she tried. But when I had my first child, the thaw began. Suddenly it was important to me that my son know his grandparents — all of them. So I let my dad back into my life… just in time to console him through his second divorce. Within a few months, my dad found someone new. Now my half brother had to deal with a stepmother who already had two children of her own. I tried hard to welcome dad’s third wife for the sake of my children. My half brother, unfortunately, was not so lucky — only he didn’t have any siblings at home to lean on.
So now that he is getting married, his mother, who has since remarried, is trying to make sure everyone is included. Amazingly, she has opened a gate that was always closed to her, and for that I’m grateful. The resulting family connections are so complicated, his poor fiancée (whose parents have been married for over 30 years) is going crazy. She’s a wonderful girl, though, and thanks to her, I am finally able make my half brother part of my family. His mother, whom I hadn’t seen in 10 years, even invited me and my daughter to the bridal shower. It was such a gracious gesture, so of course I went. We were made to feel very comfortable.
My father may be in his third marriage, but I see this wedding as my second chance to rescue my half brother from all the tension and confusion that I endured. On Christmas day, and every day, he and his new wife will be welcome in my home. I’ve learned the hard way that family should always be a priority, regardless of what form it takes.
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Shared in Divorce Magazine by Laurie O’Halloran, January 3, 2008.
Link to article: http://www.divorcemag.com/articles/its-complicated-but-it-is-family#sthash.TmjKyGCM.dpuf
# 138, Divorce is Complicated
A letter to his son who he misses very much!
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To my son,
I don’t know what you’ve been told and I have no control over that. All I can do is to ask God every day to please remind your heart how much I love you until I can one day tell you in person. It breaks my heart to not be allowed to watch you grow, to not be allowed to send you Birthday gifts, Christmas gifts and to experience the meaningful father/son moments.
I do know that one day you will be making your own choices and will start looking for me and you can read the court file and see that I was ordered to stay out of your life. That is not what I wanted.
I want to be a father to you in every phase of your life and to be there for you if you need me…and when I need you. God blessed me with the son I have always hoped to have but what hurts is that although you will learn the truth on your own one day, we cannot get back the years of being father and son as you grow and develop.
So, in the spirit of Fathers Day I want you to know how much I love you…I always have and always will!!!
I LOVE YOU SON,
Daddy
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Letters from Daddy/Mommy, June 23, 2014
Link to FB page: https://www.facebook.com/sendingourlove?fref=ts
#137, Father’s Day
Co-parenting together in the same home while divorced. Understandably, this may not be an option for all families!
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Divorce was a really rough time in my life. That was 4 years ago and we decided to still live together and raise our children together. We share our home in every way except that we have separate bedrooms. We have become good friends and I think we set a good example to our children that we can forgive the past and move on in an amicable manner. Our kids see us communicate nicely and work together. For now, this works for us.
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#136, Working Together
Most would agree that divorce is not fair!
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#135, UNF-A-I-R
No matter how old the children are, when parents divorce, … the child or adult child will blame themselves in the same way that small children do. The feeling of blame for a parents’ divorce never seem to go away.
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No matter how old I am now, I feel that my parent’s divorce was my fault. I was six years old when my parents sat me down and told me that it would be best if they lived apart. I still remember the empty feeling. The feeling of where will I live and WHAT did I do to cause this. I have never forgot that feeling.
To this day, I still blame myself and wonder what I did.
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#134, Still Blame Myself
A summary of what a child wants and needs while growing up.
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Thought for the night.
Is the world not hard enough for our children without us throwing them into the turmoil of a separated family and fighting parents?
The child only wants to be a child. The child only wants to be loved. The child needs to feel nothing but love, security and comfort from his parents. They only want to be a child to their Mother and Father.
Our children are born into innocence, and are only taught to fear, to hate and to be angry. It was the one job that we were given by God. Protect our children. Lets try harder to figure out how to do that.
God Bless.
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As shared on For-Fathers Rights, August 18, 2014.
#133, Basic Needs
coparentingconfessional.com 
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