Category Archives: All Confessions

My Parent’s Divorce

July 23, 2017 By in Adult Children of Divorce, All Confessions

 

A parent shares the heartache as a child of divorce. Abuse from her mother and neglect by her father have shaped her marriage views and being a parent. While she confesses to preferring  life without either parent, we should be mindful of the difficulty in arriving at a definitive decision.  Parental actions during divorce and custody impact the child and have long-term implications: a heartbreaking experience for anyone to endure.  

We have decades of research revealing how children are impacted in divorce and custody matters.  Educating parents and professionals on the need for shared parenting could have been life-altering for this individual. 

 

  

My parents divorced 36 years ago when I was 6. I did not see my father for 32 years due to my mother making contact difficult and moving us hundreds of miles away when she remarried very quickly afterwards. On the other hand, my father did not pay any maintenance or take her to court to enforce contact and he was minted at one time. He brought up someone else’s kids instead.

As a mother myself now, who would never, ever stop my own kids seeing their father if we divorced as I know how much they love him, I think both of them (my parents) are disgusting and I will never have either of them in my life again.

I have had long lasting mental health issues due to my father’s abandonment and my mother’s emotional abuse because I was ‘evil just like your father’. It is the children who suffer for their parent’s selfishness.

#457, My Parent’s Divorce

Saying Goodbye

July 23, 2017 By in All Confessions, Artwork from Child, Impact on Child

 

An emotional representation of divorce.  The father appears desolate and sad. He is  clutching his heart which seems to be ripped out of his physical body. Is his child standing before him, reaching up to daddy with a teddy bear in hand, before leaving with mom?  Mom has no facial features and seems confident, with long, flowing hair and dress appearing to meld within the scenery.  She is going in a different direction; her hair runs under a dark cloud touching the fathers’ head. Is this dad being left on the wayside? When will this father see his child next? More importantly, will this child have the opportunity to enjoy a loving relationship their father?

Artwork dad child bear flowing dress m.

Edvard Munch, Maryville, TN

#250, Saying Goodbye

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Ashamed

July 20, 2017 By in All Confessions, Parental Experiences

 

One father shares the humiliation experienced because his ex filed false allegations against him. Sadly, this is not uncommon.  Fathers’ lives are RUINED emotionally and financially when lies are told and believed in Family Court. Relationships with family members and co-workers may be negatively impacted. Unfortunately, there is no full recovery from this. This is clearly an issue to address in Family Court.

To this father, There is no shame in being a victim of the system. You are not alone in your emotional struggles. There is help and hope for you.

Looking back over the past 3 years I can see that I was in a deep state of depression.  I  was ashamed because of the lies and accusations made by my ex.  I was ashamed because I was unable to protect my children from my wife who had ‘mental health problems.

I was falsely accused and labeled as an abuser.  I lost my job.  I had to move into my parents home.  I was labeled as a trouble maker in my county’s courthouse. The self-help division of family court even refused to help me.  The pain and shame I experienced will NEVER leave me.

I am unable to hold my head up high.  I can not live a normal life because of what my ex did.

The pain and shame will stay with me forever!

#340, Ashamed

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Mental Abuse of PA

July 13, 2017 By in Adult Children of Divorce, All Confessions, Artwork About Child

 

Thoughts of an adult child of divorce (ACOD) raised by a parent with narcissistic tendencies: “I wanted to share this with you because…even as a 31 year old, the effects of mental abuse are still very real for me, especially when it comes to my mother. Years and years of mind control cannot be erased in a decade. Yes, I am in a good place now, but it is because I choose to be and have been very careful to ensure I am in this headspace. Breaking that connection takes work. And a simple phone call that wasn’t even answered and very well could have been an accidental butt-dial *could* have set me off wanting my mother’s attention and love; it happened to me many times over the years. I know it’s a blackhole though. I have to be strong, for myself. Please try to keep this in mind and empathize with your alienated loved one. The emotional trauma of being raised by an alienator never goes away… Be strong and stay strong. Much love.” -KidOfPAS

 

#354, Mental Abuse of PA

As told on KidOfPAS.com, Facebook.com/KidOfPAS July 17, 2017

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Unwanted Divorce

July 13, 2017 By in All Confessions

 

Parent to parent. This mother gives advice to anyone thinking about divorce. She expresses emotional turmoil knowing her daughter will  also experience  the same anxiety this mom experienced during childhood due to parental conflict. This mom acknowledges the difficulty in visiting four sets of grandparents at the holidays. And, grief in knowing her daughter will live in a world of unknowns. Sadly, there is a long list of divorces among her immediate and extended family. Some parents know how the logistics of divorce will impact their child.  Yet, as the parent not wanting the divorce, she is limited. There seems to be nothing she can do to change anything…except advise parents considering divorce.  Thank you for doing your part, mom!

To Anyone thinking about divorce, The divorce was not my idea!

I hate that my daughter will grow up as I did.  Four sets of grandparents to visit at the holidays.  Anxiety at school events because her parents do not get along.

My parents are divorced.  My  brothers and sister are divorced.  Several aunts and uncles are divorced. This is what my daughter has-a family of divorces.

I regret that my daughter has to live in a world of unknowns. I wish there was something I could do to make this better for my baby. To all parents out there thinking about divorce.  Don’t do it!

#206, Unwanted

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Sadness of Divorce

July 2, 2017 By in All Confessions

 

Here is the true sadness of divorce.  One father expresses discouragement in not seeing his children every day.  Parenting occurs in the day to day activities. This is where bonding takes place, lessons are learned, memories develop, responsibilities taught and traditions are created. This father is right, parenting only two days per month is not really parenting. The great thing about having two parents is having two people caring and loving on the child. Parenting is not a contest.  Parenting is a right and too many parents have been robbed of this responsibility. 

“I always experienced a tremendous feeling of sadness and hurt. I always had a feeling that no matter how hard you were trying and no matter how much time, there’s no way you can turn one or two visits a month into normal parenting. No matter how you cut it, you come up short and you feel it. You always come up a day late and a dollar short. It’s a tremendous sense of hurt. You want a full experience as a father, you want them to feel full love and you want them to feel it continually.”

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As shared in Fatherwork.

Link to FB Page: fatherwork.byu.edu/noncustodial.htm

#176, Sadness of Divorce

Don’t Give Up Hope

June 5, 2017 By in All Confessions, Artwork About Child

 

 

This artist shares a poignant poem for children and parents of divorce. The sea of blue tears reveals how everyone is impacted differently. Words in the poem offer emotional support for those in a divorce. The insightful comments acknowledge the feelings many individuals experience.

Poem

Divorce is such a hard topic to deal with
From the moment that you’re a child, and the universe breaks
Or when you’re the adult, when you’re the one
Who has to make the choices, make the change
Speaking from the position of letting go
Sometimes, letting go is one of the best things you can do
You can’t change others; you can only change yourself
You might make mistakes; might have done things that
Could have made things better
You might feel like even though you’re alive
That life doesn’t seem worth living
But it is
The sun will rise again
Have hope
Even when things seem to be falling apart
Look up
There’s a point where you have to stop dwelling on the past
And learn to accept yourself for who you are now
You have to learn that there are just some things
You’re going to do, mistakes you’re going to make
And that even if you were perfect
Sometimes, things just don’t work out
Don’t focus on the pain alone
Pain, like guilt, is a tool
And, if you are a daughter or a son going through this heartbreaking event
For heaven’s sake…
Don’t blame yourself
Whatever you do, don’t blame yourself.
It’s not your fault, even if it feels like it.
It’s. not. you.
And it’s going to take time to process these hurts
Don’t expect it to be easy
For the parents…
We all make mistakes
But it’s the sum of our parts
That makes us who we are
Even if you’re struggling, trying to find hope
One of the best ways to do that is to reach out to people that you trust
People that can help you, guide you, and who can set the road for a new life
Don’t expect everything to be normal
Don’t expect the world to just be okay
Don’t brush away your feelings
Accept them
But with hope
For if you have not hope
You will not see the good that can come from such a tragic event
Let things go
Change what you need to change
Let the world be quiet for just a little while,
And let your heart be comforted
It will turn out all right
Don’t give up hope

 

#450, Don’t Give Up Hope

Poem by J Lynn D. (celestialsunberry) at Deviant Art by celestialsunberry.deviantart.com

Picture from a different source.

The Living Dead

May 28, 2017 By in All Confessions, True Confessions

 

Here is an emotional account of the heart wrenching reality of  parental alienation. Emotional mental health is important in high conflict divorces.  If you are devastated because you are unable to have a relationship with your child- please seek help.  There are support groups to offer emotional support. There is hope in finding strength with other parents experiencing the same feelings. Suicide is not the answer. 

 

The Living Dead

The very breath we breathe is sucked out of us. We walk around like zombies. The smile we once had is no longer visible and peace is forever gone. This is what it is like for a parent who has been alienated from their children. We simply cease to function on a normal basis. On the outside, we are normal but on the inside we scream in terror and hold onto dysfunctional behavior.

Most people who know us do not understand what we are going through. They only see what they want to see. They will never understand what it is like to lose their child because of the vindictive actions of an alienating spouse or the erroneous decisions of a family court judge. They think we embellish our situation and should be able to move on but, how can we?

There are many parents and our children who have chosen to lose the battle of alienation because the pain is too great and are unable to continue fighting for what they desire. It is unfortunate when this occurs because their pain may end in the physical and emotional sense but, they leave it behind for those still on this earth who once loved them.

For myself, I have known three parents who have chosen to end their pain and suffering in the most dreadful manner caused by alienation. It leaves a hole in my heart that can never be filled. For family members, it must be even more devastating. I can only say that you must hold on and believe that tomorrow will be better.

It is imperative that each of you take care to safeguard your mental and emotional health because you need to be here for the time of when your children awaken from their slumber and realize they need you. If, you choose to make the ultimate decision to end your pain…you are wrong and you are selfish. Pick yourself up and make the conscious decision to fight back against the dark powers.

There is a way to do this and that is the power of self-healing. Step back from the fight. Concentrate on yourself and do something that promotes a different emotional environment for yourself. I understand how difficult this may be and how you may feel that you are giving up on your child through this process but, if you are damaged then you are no good to yourself nor your child.

Take time to heal. Go on that long awaited vacation. Go fishing. Camping with a friend? How about taking a dancing class? Perhaps counseling? Whatever you need to do make sure that fulfill your bucket list and come back a more complete person. After all, you’re worth it and so are your children. They need to have you back in their lives and not an emotional wreck. They need you as you once were.

Ultimately, the choice is yours to make. You can either choose to live in a silent, emotional fear and heartache or you can make the conscious decision to rise above this and heal yourself. Don’t be selfish in your actions. Consider who you are doing this for and that is your children. They deserve to have a super-mom or super-dad in their corner fighting for them.

Heal yourself from within and regain your life, your smile and your children. We all have this drive and fight inside us, we just have to reach down deep to find it. We do not have to be the living dead. We can instead be the living parents again!

By David Shubert

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#449, The Living Dead

Categories: A Parent’s heartache, Parent to Parent, Reality of Divorce 

Who is Missing?

May 21, 2017 By in All Confessions, Artwork About Child

 

A book cover reveals the sad reality of divorce. The most prominent feature of this picture is the outline of a father with a very sad face. Neither child is smiling. The only person who appears happy is mom. Curiously, her arm is around the ‘missing’ father. Children have right to have a relationship with both parents. If a child had two parents in their life before the divorce, then they should be able to enjoy both parents after the divorce.

Divorce is between the parents-about the child! LOVE WINS!

#445, Who is Missing?

Categories: Impact on child, Reality of Divorce

A Changed Family

May 21, 2017 By in All Confessions, Artwork from Child

 

The most startling feature of this artwork is the faces drawn on each person. Mom is smiling, dad is sad, child to the left has no expression and youngest child appears to be saying something. Parents are each leaning. Dad is facing more backward and somewhat leaning. Mom is facing more forward and tilted toward a wall that the youngest child is standing against. Or, is this a barrier between the parents and children? 

Seemingly, there is artistic disparity among the objects. Each family member appears to be copied while the house is rudimentary.  A curious presentation of a family and home.  

#443, A Changed Family

Categories: A Child’s View, Impact on child