Artist comments: “My mom divorced of my dad when I was 4 years old, then takes care of me and my brother Max alone today. My mom works at a company secretary to earn money for my house and back very late dinner time, my brother takes care of me most of the day so I’m not alone in the house why he has 13 years.”
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Deviant Art. Homework: my family by AskLiza1
Link to artwork: http://www.deviantart.com/art/Homwork-my-family-482114076
#281, My Family
Artist adds a sibling for company! She shares who the imaginary family members are and states: ” …And at the bottom, my twin brother and me! o/But…my actual family is like…Me and mom…because pets are just pets and my dad don’t live in this city anymore (yep my parents divorced looong time ago~)
IM A FOREVER ALONE //sobsob”
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Deviant Art. This is my 9imaginay) (sic) family! by Maggie-and-Day.
Link to artwork: http://www.deviantart.com/art/This-is-my-imaginay-family-346918282
#280, My Imaginary Family
A creative expression of divorce from one artist. This seems to be a collage of emotions showing many unique themes.
The girl peering out from behind a wall. She has one eye. Does this represent something she has seen and does not want to see again? Or does this mean that no one is really looking at her?
There is the year 09? A year of significance for her? The year her parents’ divorced?’
The words ‘ok’ so may signify the question of what will happen next?
The black creature wearing a cowboy hat is somewhat curious.
The sheep leaping over the fence may indicate something with sleeping?
The black V sideways indicates anxiety.
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Deviant Art, Child of Divorce by DoctorBalls.
Link to artwork: http://www.deviantart.com/art/CHILD-OF-DIVORCE-30732023
#279, Leaping Sheep
This artist explains the artwork is made “because my parents are divorced”. Two friends are talking about their parents’ divorce. Both individuals in this picture look very sad. The dog has a pink heart attached yet still looks lost and forlorn. The words spoken in describing the divorce are quite revealing. A sad representation of divorce.
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Deviant Art, Because my Parents are divorced by timmythetrainguy.
# 278 , My Parents are Divorced Too
Stunning artwork! This child is surrounded by a very large inventory of toys! Yet, she appears very sad. Two parents appear in the shadows. Both parents are on the phone, in what appears to be, a heated conversation. The look on the face of this young girl is captivating. Has she experienced hearing her parents fight before? Will her parents notice their daughter and tend to her emotional needs? Seemingly, regardless of the number of toys, overhearing harsh words by the two people she loves, adores and trusts may be confusing and disruptive to her emotional world.
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Deviant Art. Something is Missing by VivalaVida.
Link to artwork: http://vivalavida.deviantart.com/art/Something-is-missing-176997189
#277, Something is Missing
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One picture is worth a thousand words!
Parental conflict is distressing, stressful and has long term consequences on the child! A child in the midst of parental conflict is more likely to engage in drinking, drugging, sexing, and delinquent behaviors. They are at an increased risk for social problems, academic problems and experience difficulty in relationships. Simply, parental conflict brings havoc in your child’s life.
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#274, STOP IT!!
This parent shares the objective of shared parenting! And, the reality of shared parenting! The saddest part of parents NOT working together is the impact on the child! A child is ‘forced’ to live their life without one parent. Just because the parents cannot work together. Shameful!!!!
Again: Two parents are in the best interest of the child! Divorce is between the parents-ABOUT THE CHILD!!!!! LOVE WINS!!!
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We live in a time of a shared parenting world. Yet, for many children, shared parenting is denied. I know. I am divorced. My kids are divorced from me.
Children of divorce are separated from their parents because the parents are in dispute over living arrangements. Laws and social policy guidelines are outdated. The ‘system’ put in place to act in the best interest of the child damages the parent child relationship. The ‘system’ destroys the child’s choice to communicate with both parents. When a parent is removed from the child’s life on a daily basis the child becomes the victim. We need to do something. The relationship with my 2 children is destroyed. Knowing that my kids will learn the truth in 10 years offers little comfort. For now, I am missing out on the moments of their lives. School days, sport practices, and friends after school. Breakfast and dinner together are ….gone. Going to church as a family……gone. Living my life with joy……..gone. The unfair courts have ruined my life. If you are thinking about divorce-don’t do it. Do what you can to stay together. Staying in a bad marriage is better than a divorce.
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#272, Age of Shared Parenting
This adult child of divorce shares their story on PAS. Learning the truth about a parents’ tactics to deter the relationship from one parent will not last forever. The truth will come to light. Not working together as parents is not in the best interest of the child.
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For several years, Mel persisted in trying to make contact with Ned. He wrote letters, sent gifts, tried to phone, but Marla foiled every one of his efforts. During this time, Ned struggled through high school and took a job as a delivery boy on the streets of Manchester.
Ned’s visit to his father
Shortly after Ned’s eighteenth birthday, the boy phoned Mel and asked if he could visit him in Arizona. He wanted to check out the monster his mother had described to him. Mel was elated at the prospect of seeing his son and not surprised at the negative image Marla had painted. Perhaps the visit would dispel some of Ned’s suspicions. But to Mel’s great disappointment, their time together was a disaster. They “just didn’t click.” Ned was wary and reticent. Father and son could not seem to find any common ground. There was only one topic that interested Ned: the divorce and its aftermath. He asked countless questions about why, when, and how his parents had quarreled, and why Mel had never tried to contact him during all those years. Mel explained that he had written, he had sent gifts, and most important, he had contributed to Ned’s support. These revelations baffled Ned, since they contradicted everything his mother had told him. Put off balance, he became more morose and confused. Now he felt compelled to “choose” between one parent and the other, unsure of whom to believe or trust. It became clear to Mel that a true reconciliation could not occur at this time. After waiting so many years, it seemed that he would never have a genuine role in his son’s life.
Comments:
The impact of a contentious divorce often ignites many “brushfires” in the extended family. It creates hostilities that spread to other relationships and spawn additional cutoffs. In Mel’s family, the divorce resulted in estrangement, not only from his son, but between Ned and the older generation, depriving Mel’s parents of the role of grandparent. Because of the bitter antagonism between Mel and Marla, Ned grew up without a father. They connected only after he reached adulthood. In many divorced families, there are complex patterns of separation and re-alignment, interspersed with repeated accusations and retaliations. Mel’s story was played out over a period of more than thirty years. It took a long time for the bonding between father and son to develop. We cannot know if Marla has resolved her anger and moved on to build a new life. We do know that in many families in which a divorce has occurred, no complete healing or repair is possible. For Mel and Ned, there is the gratification of knowing that a prolonged separation has been transformed into a meaningful, harmonious relationship.
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Read full story of Divorce and the ripple effect: http://fragmentedfamilies.com/stories.html
#271, Revelations of Divorce
An 11-year-old is able to summarize what many courts have not. Thankfully, this judge was astute enough to see this child’s plea for help! Truly, a case of the parents putting their anger and hatred before the needs of the child.
She has witnessed countless bitter rows between her warring parents, including an incident at her primary school assembly that led to police being called. Her mother, a health worker, admits she has an alcohol abuse problem and her behaviour towards her former husband and his new wife has been ”appalling”.
Her parents can barely speak to each other. Tempers flared when her father took her on an overseas trip without telling her mother.
But when she wrote a school project about a child trapped in a vicious custody battle, a Family Court judge heard a cry for help.
”This has got to stop,” the 11-year-old known as ”T” wrote in a childish cursive script. ”Not in a few years. Not when people can finally be [bothered] to do it. It needs to be done NOW!”
In four sentences, the student traced the despair of thousands of children dragged into messy familial dramas in the courts – and their struggle to be heard above the fray.
”The heading of the writing … said that in the Family Court, children should have a say,” Justice Paul Cronin said in a judgment published last week.
”She said the court got to choose the residence of a child or what the child did, and she rhetorically asked whether that was fair. She said that children should have a day to go into the court and speak up.
”In a pointed remark, the child wrote that adults buy and build houses and children should at least get an opportunity to decide where they lived and with whom they wanted to live.”
Since 2006, the Family Court has been required to take into account any views expressed by the child when making parenting orders. In the vast majority of cases, their views are filtered through a lawyer, psychologist or a family consultant, who is an officer of the court.
T’s writing project, in a school exercise book, was brought to the court’s attention by one of the psychologists who gave evidence. The child, he said, had been living in a ”tragic split world” since her parents separated when she was five. She was ”the linchpin through which parental conflict was channelled”. The law says the Family Court’s ”paramount consideration” when making parenting orders is the interests of the child.
But for children such as T, who was assigned an independent lawyer by Legal Aid, court disputes over where they will live, and how, seem focused squarely on the parents.
Justice Cronin noted that much of the evidence in this case was about her mother and father, ”even though they may not have seen it that way”.
He said T’s mother was ”disarmingly candid” about her drinking problem but had produced records that it was under control. If she was unable to curb the problem, he said, ”the Sword of Damocles may now be sitting there” and T’s father would be ”well within his rights” to argue he could not have a relationship with his daughter while she was part of her mother’s world.
In a second piece of writing, T wrote about a family ”falling apart” and a father who was ”mean to her mother”.
”It has all of the remarkable hallmarks of the child referring to her own family situation,” Justice Cronin said.
”It oozes with particularity in her stream of consciousness. In a bizarre ending, the mother is stabbed. The child returns home to find her mother covered in ‘bright red blood’. It is a cry for help.”
The judge made parenting orders running to 27 paragraphs, including that neither parent should contact the other, outside of emergencies, until they had agreed in writing that they could be civil about their daughter. ”Unfortunately their focus has been on each other rather than on the child,” he wrote. ”It is time to stop for the child’s sake.”
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Sydney Morning Herald. Childs school project becomes a plea to the family court.
#270, A Plea for Help
A child of divorce shares the emotional turmoil experienced during her parents divorce. One paragraph is especially revealing and is in bold type. This is an excellent expose on the impact that divorce has on a child. Not only during childhood but throughout their entire lives!
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Growing up in suburban Philadelphia, the daughter of two yuppies, it seemed like I had everything. I was pretty sheltered, a shy child by nature and nurture. The later cause of my introverted nature was the fact that my parents avoided verbal communication with each other. The only time I remember them directly talking to each other was a rather loud fight.
Instead of providing a good relationship model and any hint of social skills for me, my parents’ example made me evade meaningful social interactions with my peers. I found refuge in school, dance, and music. Unfortunately, my older sister discovered escape through drinking, drugs, and sex.
Fast-forward to late 2003. I was in 8th grade, in the middle of the terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad stage of puberty. My parents announce that they are getting a divorce. Although they had been practically divorced during my entire life, this announcement turned my world upside down. My life-long depression spun out of control. I started experiencing suicidal thoughts. The climax of my depression was when I held a knife to my wrist. I wanted to kill myself, but I was afraid of the physical pain I would feel. I ended up putting the knife down. The next day, I went to see my guidance counselor at school. I told her what happened, and long story short, I was sent to the mental hospital. After my hospital visit, I continued therapy and medication.
While I no longer experienced suicidal thoughts, I still had much healing to accomplish. I learned that both my mother and my father had been in long-term relationships with other people (their current spouses). I also learned that my mother had been married before she met my dad. I was disgusted with the deceit and lies my parents had been feeding me. I was stronger than they thought, so why didn’t they tell me the truth? I was so irate that they would blatantly lie to me!
In high school, I was still very shy and hesitant to develop real relationships. Subconsciously, I think that I was afraid of being hurt by others. My parents “relationship” consisted of mostly silent treatment, with occasional incidents of passive-aggressive behavior. In my mind, that was the pattern that all relationships followed. Throughout high school and the first year or two of college, I thought that in the rare chance that I became married, I would eventually get divorced.
Both my mother and father remarried, the former in January 2009 and the later in December 2011. My sister was in a serious relationship with a great guy. In my own family, I constantly felt like a third wheel in my family. I only started dating in college, but was consistently disappointed by the lack of authentic men on campus. Fortunately, I became more involved in my church community and learned about self-less, sacrificing, true relationships through academic study and personal witness of couples committed to each other, through good and bad times.
I will always carry some scars from my parents’ divorce. I share my story with you to show you that divorce is a horrible experience for children. If you come from a faith background, the following quote best sums up divorce:
“Divorce is when parents cast of their cross and give it to their children.”
My story is just a small example of how deeply wounded our culture is by our destruction of marriage. We must work diligently to restore the true meaning of marriage as a sacrificial, life and love-giving union that produces children and furthers the good of all society. Marriage is a beautiful, life-long commitment and must be carefully entered into and protected and nourished by every one of us.
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Marriage-Ecosystem.
Link to site: http://www.marriage-ecosystem.org/their-divorce-nearly-killed-me.html
#269, Scars of Divorce
coparentingconfessional.com 
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